Quotes National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

1. Quotes From National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
2. National Lampoon's Vacation Quotes Funny
3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes Happiest
4. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes Sparky

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes 3171. Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is? Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with.

• National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes. We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive.
• It may not be as classy as 'Miracle on 34th Street,' but for those who grew up in the 1980s and '90s, 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' is the definitive holiday movie.
• So I'm sitting on my couch this morning grading paragraphs from my students and I have my favorite holiday movie on repeat. 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' is one I can't go without watching multiple times every December and July. I caught myself smiling and giggling at the one-liners I've heard thousands of times.
• Aunt Bethany Quotes in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) Share. Browse more character quotes from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) Share.

Clark Griswold: [reciting 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.] When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and..and Eddie with a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrist and ankles. What the..?

Clark: Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of Hell.

Slots millionaire casino. Todd: Hey, Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.
Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.
Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Mr. Shirley: Don't forget that report, Bill.
Clark Griswold: Yes, sir. Thank you, Merry Christmas. [To the executives with Mr. Shirley as they pass by.] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

Quotes From National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Ellen Griswold: What are you looking at?
Clark Griswold: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean, cool chill of the holiday air. An asshole, in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

Clark Griswold: What are you doing up, sweetheart?
Ruby Sue Johnson: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.

Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.

Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't.. Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

National Lampoon's Vacation Quotes Funny

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes Happiest

• 'The army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.'
  - Cousin Eddie

• '- Audrey Griswold: Uh, don't take this personally, Vicki; but being a farmer isn't too cool you know.
  - Cousin Vicki: Oh, yeah? Well, how cool is this?
  [reaches under her bed and pulls out a shoebox full of marijuana]'
  - Audrey Griswold
  - Cousin Vicki

• 'They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.' - Cousin Eddie

• '- Clark Griswold: Have you even driven cross-country?
  - Roy Walley: Oh, hell yes. Drove the whole family to Florida. Worst two weeks I ever spent in my life.'
  Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
  - Roy Walley

• '- Rusty Griswold: Mom, my sandwich is all wet.
  - Ellen Griswold: They're all wet.. oh God! The dog wet on the picnic basket.'
  - Rusty Griswold
  - Ellen Griswold

• '- Clark Griswold: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
  - Ellen Griswold: Oh spare me, Clark! I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1,000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!'
  Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
  - Ellen Griswold

• 'We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!'Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

• '- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: Has your father ever killed anyone?
  - Rusty Griswold: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.'
  John Candy - Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld
  - Rusty Griswold

• '- Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
  - Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
  - Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.'
  - Cousin Vicki
  - Audrey Griswold

• 'I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh?'
  - Cousin Eddie

• 'When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.'
  Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

• '- Clark Griswold: She wrapped up her damn cat!
  - Ellen Griswold: Well, take it to the kitchen and open it up.
  - Clark Griswold: Then we'll have a cat running around the house.'Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
  - Ellen Griswold

• '- Ellen Griswold: A loud noise like that could damage the kids' hearing.
  - Clark Griswold: C'mon, Ellen. It looked real. Hell, I thought it was a real gun. Didn't you think it was real, honey?
  - Audrey Griswold: What?
  - Clark Griswold: I said: didn't you think it was real?
  - Audrey Griswold: What?
  - Ellen Griswold: Oh are you happy now, Clark?..' (continue)(continue reading) - Ellen Griswold
  Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
  - Audrey Griswold

• 'Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?'
  Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

• '- Clark Griswold: We could leave her here and the first phone we pass, we could call your Cousin Normie and he could come and get her, I guess.
  - Ellen Griswold: That is the meanest, coldest..
  - Clark Griswold: Well what do you want me to do? Call Federal Express?'Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
  - Ellen Griswold

• '- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
  - Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
  - Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: It's a BB gun!'
  John Candy - Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld
  Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

• - Rusty Griswold: Hey, ya' got 'Pac Man'?
  - Cousin Dale: No.
  - Rusty Griswold: Ya' got 'Space Invaders'?
  - Cousin Dale: Nope.
  - Rusty Griswold: Ya' got 'Asteroids'?
  - Cousin Dale: Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.
  - Rusty Griswold
  - Cousin Dale

• '- Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think you're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
  - Clark Griswold: Jesus, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world.
  - Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
  - Clark Griswold: Make that the second biggest.'
  - Ellen Griswold
  Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
  - Aunt Edna

• 'We pass a damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert!'Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

• 'He's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in him. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.' - Cousin Eddie

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes Sparky